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What about the "mom bod"? Loving our bodies does not mean we should expect less of ourselves
Published 7 days agoΒ β’Β 7 min read
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by Jihane Farrell
Hi Reader
Welcome back to 1UP, my weekly newsletter where I share all things health and mindsets to help you get stronger, feel younger and live longer.
Body acceptance and body expectation
Ladies, we are not off the hook.
Growing babies, giving birth and caring for children is the most beautiful experience I've ever had.
If somebody had taken the time to have a real deep conversation with me in my 20s, to share how being a mom is such a high calling, the most certain way to change the world, that it brings so much joy and really, is a ton of fun, I probably would have prioritized that over a career (which actually went nowhere!) and I would have tried to have at least 4 kids. π
Instead, I bought into the lie that a job is what makes someone really accomplished. I embraced the belief that through our work our lives matter, early in my life.
A woman's body is made to carry life. Everything that goes into this is truly amazing. β It's wild to think about all the changes my body has gone through these past years having 2 kids who I breastfed.
Gaining weight during pregnancy is part of this process, to make reserves for baby and breastfeeding mother.
But these numbers really stunned me: βStudies show that 75% of women retain some weight after childbirth, with an average of 10 to 15 pounds still carried 6 to 18 months postpartum...
Around 6 to 12 months postpartum, studies show the number drops a bitβabout 60 to 65% of women still retain some weight, typically 5 to 10 pounds on average.
Look,
I know how tough it is to make time for exercise when you have little ones. I know that the odds are stacked against moms, with the stress of handling kids and a job, the sleep deprivation and too often, the lack of support. I know that so man moms are in survival mode.
But I also know this:
I often coach women who get to their 50s and they have never lost the weight from pregnancies.... Even after decades of having tried every diet under the sun. And by then, it gets even harder because of hormonal changes at menopause.
Because the problem is how we approach "weight loss".
So today, I want to share 3 shifts for moms that could save them decades of a poor relationship with their body, decades of restrictions and frustration with food, and decades of being a cardio bunny and running on cortisol with no result.
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Shift #1 for moms: First 6 months focused on baby
I personally would make a very strong case that new moms should NOT rush into getting their pre-pregnancy body back. In the first 3 months after my first baby was born, all I was doing was nursing, on demand, including at night. I was ravenous and underslept. As for my second... Well she went from neonatal ICU to pediatric cardiac ICU. And I was visiting her, still being a mom to her 4-yo sister and expressing my breast milk around the clock.
Losing weight? This was not even on my mind! It seemed ridiculous. With my first, I started getting more active after 3 months, but just walking.β It didn't take me long to lose the baby weight. β After my second, it proved more difficult. Since my girl was in the hospital, I did not pay any attention to this until 5 months post-partum.
However, a study from the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that by 12 months, only 35% of women return to their pre-pregnancy weight. The rest hold onto some extra, often due to lingering hormonal changes, reduced physical activity (about 40% less active than pre-pregnancy), or dietary shifts.
Visceral fat, specifically, can stick around in 50% of cases if lifestyle changes arenβt made, per the Journal of Womenβs Health.
A 2021 study in Maternal and Child Health Journal found that women with persistent abdominal fat face a 15% higher risk of metabolic syndrome within 5 years post-delivery. ββ A study from the New England Journal of Medicine found that women with visceral fat gain postpartum have a 40% higher risk of heart disease by age 50 compared to those without. β Also, research in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism says abdominal fat retention increases insulin resistance by about 20% within three years post-delivery, upping type 2 diabetes risk.
I strongly believe that the first 3-6 months should be about nursing, eating and resting. I know how challenging these basic things can be with a newborn! β βAfter 6 months, it's about taking the proper action steps below.
It matters, not because "we're expected" to look a certain way, but because we value health and we want to be a happy, active mom who has the energy to face her days.
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Shift #2 for moms: Stop obsessing over body weight and get your body composition analyzed
By finding out the balance of fat and muscle in your body, you will be able to make smarter decisions around food and physical activity. β βYou can see amazing results with only 1 session of strength training per week, done consistently, which is about 1 hour per week of your time, and by eating 1 gram of protein per pound of your ideal body weight.
Forget doing hours of cardio and DO NOT DIET!!! ββ βIf you just eat whole foods, hit your protein target and lift weight only once a week, you will see your body transform. That is SO DOABLE for a mom with a 6 mo baby. β Not to mention that, by eating a whole foods diet, you are also programming your children's food preferences. β Trust me, I have been a nanny and I have seen first hand the difference between a child raised on pop tarts and artificially-flavoured-strawberry candy and a child who eats handfuls of sauerkraut and a protein-rich breakfast.
My husband works away from home and I don't have any option for child care and I made it work. I found a gym where I could bring my kids.
When you decide that you will make it work no matter what, it will work no matter what.
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Shift #3: It's not about your looks, it's about being a strong and powerful mom
The idea that women are subjected to beauty standards by society is such BS. Pardon my french, but nobody is harder on a woman's appearance than another woman, except maybe her own self. It's not "society" thing. It's not a "patriarchy" thing.
Health is beauty. Beauty is health. A woman who is healthy is a woman who is beautiful.
What is healthy? 20% body fat and a strong body.
I don't see the ladies who display haute-couture dresses as healthy. And I don't see the ladies "loving their fat" as healthy.
I see the damage of hating your body : using exercise as a way to torture yourself because you ate like crap on the weekend, approaching food with a punishing mindset. So, I get where body positivity comes from.
But I also see the damage of embracing being overweight and even obese, with the idea that "Fat is beautiful" and body-love so radical that we're being told that when we recognize someone as overweight, we are "fat shaming".
But here is what the fat acceptance movement doesn't tell you: - individuals with obesity have a 55% increased risk of developing depression - obesity is a significant risk factor for disability - health surveys show that individuals with obesity report lower energy levels, which impair daily functionning - risks of cardiovascular disease, cancer, respiratory issues, and complications occuring when getting sick - moderate obesity is related to a reduction of life expectancy of 2-4 years, and between 6-13 years for severe obesity
It's not about what it looks like outside. It's about how you feel. How you experience life. And I'm having hard time believing that these ladies are not dealing with mood swings, low energy and a shortened lifespan.
These ladies may be between moderate and sever obesity (BMI > 35/m2)
YES, everyone deserves love and NO, worth is not tied to the way we look.
Seriously ladies though... We NEED to be able to hear when someone calls us out for our shortcoming!
Most moms don't end up obese. But the numbers tell us, that most moms are overweight.
It's not shaming to tell the truth. It's the most loving act someone can do.
Being obese means being on the fast track for disease and death. And it is so incredibly limiting. Being overweight also is.
I don't want my 5-year old to run ahead of me and turn back every 5 minutes because I can't keep up. I don't want to have my children ask "Mom, why are you so slow?". I don't want to struggle taking the stairs when my daughter with Down syndrome is 25.
Right now, I have a 5 and a 2 year old and my fitness level allows me to have more energy than moms who are 10 years younger than me!
All because of my decision, at 5-months post-partum, to focus on my body composition and that I would make this work NO MATTER WHAT.
I did not just lose the weight... I got the best body I've ever had. βAnd I did not even care about looking good...β All I cared about was to get stronger, live longer and being an awesome mom for decades to come.
Loving our body does not mean we should stop expecting better for ourselves.
Why should we give up on the fullness of life we can find in being fit and strong for the sake of acceptance?
Let's accept ourselves for where we're at right now and take action to change. Let's love our bodies, let's celebrate the ability to bring forth life, and let's also invest in getting fit.
Remember, I say all of this with love. I am a woman. I am a mother. And I want for you to experience life to the full.
Love, Jihane
β PS: Tired of doing it all and nothing working? I just shared all you need to know to lose belly fat in my last podcast episode